HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME.
25 years of my life lived. How many more will come?
Birthdays are meant to be a personal holiday to celebrate another year that was lived and hopefully another year that will be lived. Despite the fact that all my friends who have passed their 25th birthdays have celebrated it with "parties" and entered their quarter life with enthusiasm and excitement for what's to come in their quarter year, I am not.
I question my 25 years of life that I've lived thus far. I can't quite put a finger on it. But something is definitely not where i want it to be obviously because i feel this void. Although I've went through my stupid stage of not caring about the future and just playing and having fun and enjoying everything for the moment... I've went through many years struggling to find me and find what i want in life. Every now and then, i feel as if i had figured myself out and is going on the right path. But this particular birthday... i feel as if i had tricked myself all these years to think i was at the right place.
Maybe my goals have become bigger the past year and I feel as though I'm too far from my destined place and feel as if i haven't accomplished as much as i had wanted to. But we can't do everything do everything that we want right? It's reality. I can only do so much.
Last Sunday, I attended Oasis Church in LA and they had a guest speaker. This was his story:
One day he got invited to go fishing on a nice yacht by a wealthy man he knew. After being on the boat for quite some time, he started feeling sick and nauseated. The captain came over to him and tapped him on his shoulder. The captain said to him... "stop looking at the troubles surrounding you but find a fixed point and look ahead at the fixed point and focus. If you look far ahead and stop worrying about what's going on around you, you'll find focus and be at peace.
I think this story relates to me and im sure a lot of you can relate to it as well. I need to find that focal point (God) and focus on Him and not the worries, troubles, and stress that is surrounding me.
I truly pray that my 25th year is filled with many blessings and I'll experience a lot of things I haven't in the past. Whether it ends up being the best year of my life or the worst, at least I'll learn and grow to become a stronger and more independent woman. Positive thinking needs to become a habit in my thought processing in order to manifest the positive thoughts into reality. I pray that all my thoughts, dilemmas, and choices that I have to make for my successful future will be settled and I'll be at peace once again, knowing that God has my path already planned. I just need to be still... quiet... and open up my ears, eyes, and heart to understand and know His will.
I thank each and every one of you that have been in my life at one point or another, because although we may not realize it, you have influenced and affected my life in some way.
I'm grateful for my loved ones that have been through my ups and my downs, because I know that without you guys, i would've been a hot mess. uhhh.. too late. hahah. And for some reason, now that I'm finishing up this post... I'm beginning to appreciate Life just a little more.
<3
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| Baskin Robbins Dark Chocolate Fudge Ice Cream Cake from my AudreyShops family :) |
I've been relying on this song during this crisis. lol
If you're feeling what i'm feeling, go ahead and let this song take it away!! :)
